Ask Twilight
by The Scarlet Reaper and Mr Jace
Summary: Here you can ask your favorite Twilight characters anything or dare them to do anything!Submit as many questions or dares as you want!
1. Chapter 1

Kendra: Hello! I'm your host, Kendra Evet and welcome to Ask Twilight! A place where you can ask-or dare, if you'd like, though I'd only go as far as someone's hand being shoved down someone's pants- the cast of Twilight anything!

Charlie: Hey, you didn't say anything about dares earlier!

Kendra: That's because I just came up with that!

Alice: I totally saw this coming.

Kendra: Of course you did. *organizes papers* No offense, Alice. Now, let you introduce my right hand man, Justin, or as I call him: Dumbass!

Justin: I love you too, Kendra.

Kendra: Shut up, Rabbit, so I can explain the rules.

Carlisle: Are you this rude to him all the time?  
>Kendra: I deserve to be. He tries to fuck every girl he's with, therefore earning his nickname Rabbit.<p>

Carlisle: *crosses legs* That's a little more than I wanted to know. Take these every day. If they don't work come see me immediately. *tosses Kendra a bottle*

Kendra: I'm not- *takes a deep breath* Moving on. The rules are simple. Make your question or dare _**legible! **_ The questions or dares can be directed to me or Rabbit here.

Justin: *waves*

Kendra: There can be smut. Just not x-x-x-x-x rated smut.

Jasper: No way! That's wrong, you little sicko.

Kendra: Your words hurt me, sexy.

Jasper: What did you call me?

Kendra: Nothing! Anyways, screw the couples. A dare can be reflected to any two characters.

Jacob: But what if it's like gay smut? Do we still have to do it?

Kendra: Every last bit of it. Lesbian too.

Cast: *groans*

Emmett: You suck, Kendra.

Justin: What does she suck?

Emmett: Dick. *crosses arms*

Kendra: I've heard I give the best BJ's in town.

Edward: You need to see Psychologist.

Kendra: *twitch twitch* I AM NOT MENTAL! I'M JUST STARSTRUCK BY JASPER'S SEXYNESS!

Justin: Okay that's all for Ask Twilight. Please submit your questions or dares in the review box. Please and thanks!

Kendra: I AM NOT MENTAL! FUCK YOU EDWARD FUCK YOU!

Edward: I never said you were mental!

Kendra: YOU JUST SAID I NEED TO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST! THAT SCREAMS MENTAL TO ME!

Justin: Why are you still here? There's nothing to see here but Kendra's mental breakdown. Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

Kendra: Hello! I'm your host, Kendra Evet and welcome to Ask Twilight!

Justin: It is sad to say that we only have one reviewer, but we have some pretty interesting dares from Booklover9477. Today's dare says: Hmmm have Esme bitch-slap and pimp-slap Edward then have Jasper's get a very naughty tattoo (maybe show him who he belongs to? *hint hint nudge nudge*) on some part of his body you think he'll either hate or will hurt him. Oooh maybe have the cast (every one of them) mock Edward while Esme is slapping him.

Jasper: Wait, wait, wait! You left the choice of _where_ with Kendra!

Kendra: I have this all planned out already. Rabbit, you stay here and run the show while I take Jasper to get this naughty tattoo.

Jasper: …Fuck, shit, damn, UGH!

Kendra: Don't even get me started on how wrong that sounds. *drags Jasper out the door*

Alice: Jesus that's gonna be awkward.

Carlisle: How?

Alice: Oh cause it just is.

Esme: Do I really have to abuse my son?

Justin: Unfortunately you do.

Edward: You should feel more sorry for Jasper. I already know what he's getting. *shudder*

*AN HOUR TWENTY MINUTES LATER*

Kendra: *pulls Jasper in* Come on sexy. Get in here!

Jasper: *fights being pulled in* No! I am _not_ showing anybody this tattoo! I am not.

Edward: Ohmigod! It's worse than I thought! *shudder shudder*

Kendra: *ducks as a lamp is thrown*

Emmett: Relax, Jazz. It can't be that bad. *helps pull Jasper in*

Kendra: Pull them down. The sooner you do it.

Jasper: Fine! *pants are pulled down*

*CENSORED; THREE MINUTES LATER*

Jasper: I'm never letting another woman near my *bleep* again!

Kendra: I do agree her imagination got the best of her.

Jasper:**

Justin: That was not the most appropriate thing in the world to say.

Jasper: Ima, watashi no kaibō-gaku wa, sono sei norowa reta hari no tenioenai keirendesu!

Kendra: Ā, anata no inkei ni fuman damare! Iesu, watashi no kuchibiru ni piasu o ete ita toki, watashi wa sore ni tsuite kore dake monku o iimasendeshita!

Edward: Both of you shut up!

Jasper/Kendra: Shattodaundikku made fakku!

Justin: Okay that's all for Ask Twilight. Please submit your questions or dares in the review box. Please and thanks!

Kendra: Pretty, pretty, pretty- wait. This isn't over with! Esme, get to slappin!

Edward: I was hoping you would forget.

Esme: *unwillingly slaps Edward repeatedly*

Everyone else: *laughs*

Justin: NOW the show is over.

Everyone: Please tell your friends to submit reviews to even if they're anonymous!


	3. Chapter 3

Justin: Hello! I'm your host, Justin Hilton and welcome to Ask Twilight!

Kendra: *waves*

Justin: Kendra's voice is gone so she'll be writing everything she wants to say.

Jasper: *laughs quietly*

Kendra: *throws a glare full of daggers*

Jasper: *hushes*

Justin: Anyways. We didn't get the most appropriate dares.

Kendra: *holds up board* NO WE DID NOT!

Justin: I take your pretty pissed about that huh?

Kendra: *holds up board* Pretty DAMN pissed.

Justin: Kendra, I know you're all up for gay sex but…..this is asking too much.

Edward: *groans* You actually like gay sex.

Kendra: *nods*

Jasper: Unfortunately that dare is first…lets just get rid of all the sex one's first.

Kendra: *nods*

Justin: This first dare is from anonymous reviewer Sam: haha, I had a dream like this once! Have Jasper and Emmett do it in front of everyone, make one of the characters (or u) film it and put it on youtube! XD

Kendra: *throws Carlisle video camera*

Carlisle: *catches it* Why me?

Kendra: *holds up board* You're their father so DO IT! It did say one of the characters or me but I'm not watching this.

Jasper: FUCK YOU SAM! WAIT TILL I FIND YOU! IMMA FUCKING KILL YOUR ASS!

Kendra: *sweat drops*

Emmett: Instead of youtube, how about pornhub?

Jasper/Justin/Carlisle/Alice: EMMETT SHUT UP!

Kendra: *hands Justin board*

Justin: The closet to your let?

Kendra: *snatches board back* Left!

Justin: My bad. *takes board back* The closet to your left is pretty damn big. It aint got nothing in it. Cleaned it out this morning. Now strip down in front everyone and get your naked asses in there and make some love! Brotherly that is. Evil laugh….Alright. You heard the fine lady. Strip.

Kendra: *blushes*

Everyone: Aww!

Kendra: *blushes deeper and flips everyone off*

Emmett: Not the thing to do when I'm naked.

Justin: I'll take the front, you take the back.

Emmett: iight.

Kendra: SHIT!

Justin: Yay, your voice is back.

Kendra: Either one of you bastards try to fuck me, you are violently going to lose your penis. NOW, Jazz and Emm, get to fucking. Carlisle, get to filming.

Edward: Nice tattoo Jasper.

Everyone else: It is rather nice.

Jasper: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

*ONE AND HALF HOURS LATER*

Jasper: *mutters about ass hurting*

Emmett: Sorry bro.

Jasper: SHUT. UP!

Kendra: Oh if only you could hear the sounds coming from Jazz. Sweet blasphemy. Anyways, Justin read the next dare.

Justin: The next one is from anonymous viewer Hateedwardcullen. You see I dare edward to give jasper a bj n alice and jacob kiss for 2 minutes.

Jasper: …..

Alice: Sorry, Jazz. I think the viewers must really hate you. *kisses Jacob, shuddering*

Kendra: Edward, I'll take your place.

Edward: I gladly let you.

Justin: *clears throat*

Kendra: But-but-but Rabbit! *sigh* Sorry Edward. It's all you. Oh and you two enough.

Alice: I'll be back. *hurries out the door*

Jasper: I hate you. I hate you all. *unbuttons shorts, pulls them just enough*

Edward: You are never going to let me live this down, Emm. That's alright. I've got this. I know how to photoshop.

Emmett: Shit, I'm good.

Jasper: *crosses arms* Come get this over with Edward.

Edward: Don't make a sound.

Jasper: Whatever.

Edward: *walks across the room*

*CENSORED*

Justin: 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0. We're back.

Kendra: Now, for the more gentle dare.

Justin: From Booklover9477. Awesome chapter! Do I have to submit another dare/truth? Well I'll do it anyway. How about have the cast all admit their worst embarrassing memory? Later ~ Laila :k

Kendra: Laila, I think you got some answers from Jazz, Edward, and Emm.

Jasper: *flips Kendra off*

Kendra: Lets go. I ain't afraid.

Jasper: *snarls*

Kendra: *rolls eyes* Anyways, while everyone else is admitting to embarrassing things. Me and Jasper will be in my room.

Jasper…I just dug my own grave.

Kendra: Mhm. *grabs Jasper by his shirt and pulls him with me:

Justin: Well shit. I wanna join. Carlisle, you start.

Carlisle: Recording Emmett and Jasper.

Esme: Watching-

Edward: Don't finish the statement please. Jasper has one too. Being caught fucking on the Hollywood sign.

Justin: Always wanted to do that. Anyways. Leys get the show over with with Edward who is your favorite person in the family and I dare alice to slap jasper from blondie490.

Alice: *walks back in* I would but I don't have him right down.

Emmett: Down.

Alice: Now, now! It was a typo shut up.

Edward: I would say Alice. No offense to Bella, wherever the hell she is right now.

Jasper: Okay. This show is over. I'm going to go join Jasper and Kendra. Bye!

Everyone: Submit review and please submit some questions. We've been scarred enough.

Justin: Bye! *runs up to join Kendra and Jasper*


	4. Chapter 4

Kendra: Hello! I'm your host, Kendra Evet and welcome to Ask Twilight! Sorry dares weren't put up earlier. I have no internet so it's pretty hard.

Jasper: Perfectly okay with me. *crosses arms*

Emmett: You mad bro?

Jasper: Yes, very.

Kendra: Well it doesn't matter right now. *takes Jasper's cowboy hat and puts it on* Lets get this show on the road. Justin, read todays dare!

Justin: So nice for you to finally introduce me. Our first dares are from Isha the Awesome: _**Have Bella booty shake**_

_**Nessie sings " I wanna fuck you in the ass" to Carlisle**_

_**Alice wear the worst outfit alive**_

_**Make Edward listen to 70's music**_

_**Esme and Rosalie: Mud Fight **_

_**Demetri And Felix: Gay Buttsex**_

Kendra: Ew. I hate the seventy's. Well at least Jasper doesn't have to embarrass himself.

Jasper: Really. I like this one.

Rosalie: Bella has no booty to shake.

Bella: Gee, thanks, Rose.

Rosalie: The truth hurts sometimes, sweetie.

Bella: *gets up and shakes dat booty*

Edward: That was really sexy, love.

Emmett: You're the only one who thinks so.

Edward: No, I'm not. *sweat drop*

*ONE AWKWARD SONG LATER*

Kendra: Where the hell you people get these dares from.

Alice: Kendra, can I borrow your clothes for the dare.

Kendra: *glares at Alice* Hey, I own nothing but jeans and t-shirts.

Alice: I know.

Kendra: Sure, if you think it's the worst outfit alive.

Alice: *truges away to change*

Justin: Alright, so where is Felix and Demetri?

*Demetri and Felix magically appear*

Demetri/Felix: The hell are we?

Kendra: In my house to do surprise butt sex. Into the closet!

Emmett: *forces the two in the closet* Have fun, buddy boys.

Justin: And while that, lets get to mud fightin!

Kendra: Feel free to get some red Georgia clay between your toes, just make sure you rinse and dry off before you come in. My dad hates muddy floors.

Carlisle: Can we get on with the rest of the dares. I do have a job.

Kendra: Do you wanna run this show?

Carlisle: No, I don't.

Kendra: Alright then. *hands Edward a pink Ipod* I have your 70's music playlist already made. Get listening. And lets get on with these other dares. *glances at papers*

Justin: Did you install that stripper pole?

Kendra: Nooo. Emmett, install that stripper pole sitting in the corner right…here. *points in front of*

Emmett: Sure, sure.

Kendra: Alright, while that's being done. This next dare is from Meow139. Thank you Meow139. I love you for this dare. It says_**: How about you make Renesomething finally tell Jacob off for being a pedo? And Jasper pole dances. Also, Team Wrestling. Jacob/Emmett vs Edward/Jasper. But in a plastic swimming pool filled with mud, dog food and feathers. Also they MUST wear ladies undergarments while wrestling.**_

Jasper: *sigh* Can I go first? I wanna get this over with.

Alice: *comes back wearing a Botdf t-shirt, white shorts, and cowgirl boots*

Kendra: What the hell!

Alice: Yes, right?

Justin: *clears throat* You ready for some pole dancing?

Jasper: No, not really. *starts taking shirt and pants off*

Carlisle: What are you-

Jasper: If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this right.

Justin: Well in that case…. Here you go. *throws leather speedos*

Kendra: Is that what you do in your free time, rabbit?

Justin: No, it's what my uncle does in his free time.

Jasper: :U No. I don't like leather all that much. *takes hat back from Kendra*

Alice: Who was this dare from?

Kendra: Meow139.

Alice: Meow139, I do love you :3

Kendra: Agreed.

Jasper: *pole dances*

Justin: *rolls eyes* While Kendra is getting hard watching Jasper, on to the next dare! Nessie. You go. *looks around* Nessie?

Edward: She is a half human toddler. She's napping.

Esme/Rosalie: *comes back*

Esme: That was fun.

Rosalie: *mutter*

Kendra: Alright next dare! Wait. Jasper come here.

Jasper: *puts clothes back on and edges towards Kendra*

Kendra: *pushes a twenty in his pants* There ya go, Jazz.

Jasper: Wow, thanks.

Everyone: *puts money in Jasper's pants*

Jasper: …

Justin: That was pretty good ._. Now, plastic pool, mud, dog food, ladies' undergarments, and feathers.

Kendra: Oh, what a lovely combination. Lace thongs and bras for the four of you! *hands out thongs and bras*

Jasper: Fuck you people. I have no more dignity.

Emmett: Don't get your thong in a bunch! Put it on and lets entertain these kidos!

Jacob: So this is what kids are watching these days?

Emmett: No, they're watching Spartacus these days.

Kendra: In case you're wondering, Spartacus is an adult show because blood, gut, gore and it's really just a porno.

Jacob/Emmett: We're gonna take you down!

Jasper/Edward: Oh, hell no!

Carlisle: Everybody outside!

Everybody: *files out the door one behind the other*

Emmett: *cannon balls into the pool* Come on in. The mud is fine!

Kendra: Rabbit, did you put the stool in?

Justin: I did.

Kendra: Find the stool for me.

Jasper: I'm standing right next to it.

Kendra: Great. *climbs in to the pool* Pass me to Jasper.

Emmett: Can I throw you?

Kendra: Do it!

Justin: You are not a normal girl.

Kendra: I'm a man now! *giggles* Throw meh!

Emmett: I like you. *throws Kendra to Jasper*

Kendra: *throws hands up* Yeah buddy!

Jasper; You would, Em. *stands Kendra on the stool*

Justin: Now, the rules are simple.

Kendra: We know shit about wrestling so there be no rules but one. _**DO NOT SQUISH ME!**_

Everyone: *laugh*

*ONE HOUR LATER*

Kendra: Jasper and Edward are the winners!

Justin: Well that was today's episode! I'm Justin Hilton, and I declare this show over with!

Kendra: Not yet. One more dare.

*grasshoppers*

Kendra: Nessie still has to tell Jacob off.

Renesmee: Yeah, yeah. Alright. Here goes nothing. *deep breath* Jacob you should be ashamed of yourself, hitting on a _toddler!_ Go back to school and learn the difference between my age and yours.

Kendra; Good enough? It is.

Justin: Now, we're done!

Everyone: Bye!

Emmett: *dunks Kendra into the mud*

Kendra: *pops back up and throws arms us, shaking head*


End file.
